I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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