K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
