dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
