and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
