Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I checked into jail on foursquare
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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