So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
