this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
