I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i out mim tonsoeep
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