I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Randomize
