batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
