I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
