**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
