Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
