He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
