So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
