it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
