Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
