so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
