bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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