jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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