yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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