It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
