DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize