I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
