if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
