thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
