we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize