Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
