Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
