I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
