why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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