When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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