You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
