Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
