its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Houston, we have a blender
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
