If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
