Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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