Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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