I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
