Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
