Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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