a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize