Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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