I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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