Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
