There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
