Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
