I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize