I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
