Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
