I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You've changed since you got that strap on
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
