I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
