i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
