saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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