there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
