ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
