There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
