I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
