The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
so much tequila, so little girl.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
