i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
