i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
