The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize