I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
