come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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