tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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