Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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