U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
