he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
