Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
