Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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