Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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