I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
