I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
only you would photoshop your dick
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
