you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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